16-Month-Old Man Utd Fan Knows Nothing But Pain

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THE growing plight of Manchester United fans the world over has been highlighted today with the launch of a number of emotionally charged videos that focus specifically on the club’s youngest fans.

Following the unsuccessful but by all accounts hilarious reign of David Moyes Manchester United fans had thought the good times were set to return with the appointment of Louis Van Gaal, the successful ex-Holland coach who reportedly invented football.

The Manchester club’s opening two games have made it clear to all that the once mighty footballing force could be set for a decade of decline and with this in mind the charity, Football Amnesty, have reached out to the rest of the world for help.

Jake McKinley, a 16-month-old child from Stretford, is the focus of the most emotional video campaign as it was revealed he has known nothing but pain since the day he was born.

“I can see it in his eyes, when I read to him,” explains father and Man Utd fan Greg McKinley, “I say things like ‘and then we won the league’ and he, he just can’t comprehend what I’m saying”.

The plight of the newborn United fan is such that they have no understanding of the concept of victory, success and contentment which has led many mothers and fathers to seek Football Amnesty’s help.

The unfortunate children are fed on a diet of past glory and encouraging draws, like many Liverpool fans of the past 25 years.

“At the charity we look for fans of successful clubs to adopt young United fans in the hope that they can help them escape a life of limp performances and £63 million purchases of wingers despite the fact they play a formation that does not require wingers,” explained head of Football Amnesty, John Kilgallen.

“We just want a better life for these little guys and that’s why starting this Saturday concerned Man Utd parents will begin leaving their children at grounds like Stamford Bridge, the Etihad stadium and the Bernabeu. These children can have a life without facing as much as a season without major silverware,” added Kilgallen.

“You never know when he’s older he won’t even remember being a United fan,” said Jake’s father Greg despite knowing full well that shame could never be erased.

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