Friend Back From Australia Telling Everyone What’s Wrong With Ireland


A REFRESHED and enviously tanned Mark Gregory returned to Ireland this week after a year away working in Australia and was quick to share his unique perspective on why Ireland is such a backwards shit hole with a number of his friends.

“Ah, it’s so chill there, none of that church shite over there, I don’t know how you cans still live here to be honest”, Mark said of a country which has had over 100 priests go before the courts charged with sexual abuse.

“And don’t get me started on the fucking politicians here in Ireland,” added the 31-year-old who has never voted despite having countless opportunities to do so, “this place is so bloody corrupt,” he added seemingly unaware of myriad political scandals involving several past Australian prime ministers.

Mark also talked of consistently good weather which assembled friends took no issue with at all.

“See, you just don’t get that kind of stuff in Oz,” Mark told friends of the recently highlighted plight of many asylum seekers in Ireland, completely unaware that the Australian government’s policies in relation to immigrants have seen many die at sea or detained in inhumane conditions.

“I suppose the one bad thing was the bit of racism you get being Irish but in fairness we get to slag off the Aboriginals without anyone batting an eyelid so it’s a bit of craic all the same”.

“And sure look at us here now, in a pub, that’s such an Irish thing, classic Irish mentality you just don’t get that in Oz, could we not have met in a cafe or something,” Mark opined, probably ignorant of the fact alcohol-related harm costs Australia $15 billion a year.

Mark, despite never holding a significant opinion on Ireland before this week, has vowed to return to Australia in the near future to escape the scandals and injustices he previously had no interest in.