Man Breaks World Record By Sticking Shitty Call Center Job For Three Weeks



A DUBLIN man is today waiting on a call from the President to congratulate him on his record-breaking three weeks of employment in a soul-crushing job in a call centre.

John Maxwell (33) has managed to stick with the shitty job for 23 days now, breaking the previous 20 day record held by a 58 year old Somalian refugee. His work includes cold-calling people on a mailing list to see if they would like to make savings on their energy bills, fielding complaints about irate customers about hidden charges they were unaware of and being told to go fuck himself every six minutes.

“I’d just like to thank my wife and child for helping motivate me” said an visibly moved Maxwell, who had been unemployed for four years before landing the uncoveted job.

“Every hour I spend at this job, I just think of them at home in our negative-equity apartment and it spurs me on to listen to another hour of customers yelling at me as if the money they are being overcharged is going directly into my pocket”.

Often regarded as the worst job in the world, call centres face a higher turnaround of staff than any other business, with the average worker lasting 15 days before hanging up their headset and storming out after one tirade of abuse too many.

Job psychologist Dr. Haveen Uffawitz explained to WWN what is required if someone wishes to break Mr. Maxwells impressive record.

“Job satisfaction counts for a lot in any career” said Dr. Uffawitz, in an exclusive interview.

“So in a workplace where you get absolutely no job satisfaction at all, you need to really just zone the fuck out as much as you can. Call Center work can involve 12 hours of insults from customers, especially if you’ve called them unannounced during Home and Away or something like that”

“Given that they don’t know you, can’t see you, and will never meet you, they believe they have the right to say whatever they want to you. So a strong ability to let that pass over you will help you last in a call centre, maybe for up to two weeks or more. If your current financial situation is particularly dire, you may be able to put up with this shit for even longer. Christ knows; there’s fuck all other jobs out there for you.”