Overly Chatty Co-Worker Doing Nothing For Mans Hangover
DUBLIN man Ian Talbot, currently of melted head following an ill-advised weeknight session, has described his co-workers incessant need to talk all day about inconsequential matters as one of the main factors contributing to his crushing hangover and his ability to even deal.
27 year old Sales Assistant Talbot had been socializing with friends after work the previous day and in an ill-fated attempt to chat up a girl he met at the bar, ended up drinking all night. His first indication that he would be suffering from an alcohol induced full-body toothache came when he realized that he was the only person left in the pub, and that all the bar staff had their jackets on and were waiting on him to leave.
A last-ditch attempt to ward off a hangover by drinking four litres of water before bed proved to be ill-thought out, as it only served to make him piss himself after falling asleep on the sofa. on his last warning over lateness and missed days, Talbot made his weekly pact to never drink again, and set off for work.
“I got the lady in Spar to make me a Jambon and red sauce sandwich and bought a cold can of coke too” said the green-faced Talbot in an exclusive interview with all major newspapers.
“And I’ve been shucking paracetemol all day. It took the edge off it, until I got to work and saw the rota for today. That’s when I realised I was on a shift with Sandra Campbell. My hangover got exponentially worse after that”.
Campbell, a prominent figure on the sales floor of the Department store where Talbot works, suffers from a rare condition in which she finds it impossible to stop spouting inanities, and an inability to register when people have stopped listening to her.
The 36 year old mother of four greeted her hungover co-worker this morning with a 90 word-per-minute barrage about her breakfast, a teacher at her oldest child’s school, how it was hot today but not as hot as it was yesterday, scented candles, and a Groupon voucher she had bought (which in turn led into a detailed list of every Grouponshe had ever purchased).
“It never fucking stops” gushed Talbot, weeping openly.
“I can just about handle it when I’m 100%, but right now I feel like there’s a bit of Lego stuck in my fucking brain. If I concentrate really hard I can ignore the hangover, but when you’re working with Sandra she just keeps going on and on about fucking nothing. I didn’t even say hello this morning, and she latched on and started talking shite about how her brothers car insurance had gone up by 50 euro from last year”.
As Talbot continues to wearily plough through his day, we declined to approach Ms. Campbell for comment.