Disturbing scenes were witnessed by staff at the head offices of Xpress Delivery in Waterford earlier today.
WWN has learned that Xpress Delivery employee, Lauren Traynor, informed her co-workers that she still hasn’t got around to eating her Easter eggs.
“She just sort of blurted it out,” explained uneasy Xpress employee Darragh Little, “and I don’t know why, but I just let out a shriek, I was confused and terrified all at once.”
“What sort of masochistic basket case doesn’t horse into their Easter eggs right away?” Added owner of Xpress Delivery Rebecca Dorrans.
“I just like looking at them. I’m in no rush,” Lauren bizarrely remarked when confronted by her colleagues, “unlike other people, I can show some restraint, I still have my Pokemon cards in their original packaging. And yes, before you ask I don’t open my Christmas presents until after dinner.”
Express Delivery, acutely aware of the distress caused by Lauren’s admission, gave their staff the rest of the day off only for the employees to convene in a nearby pub, seeking to make sense of the whole sorry situation.
“You think you know someone and then,” opined a stunned Robbie Crawley, head of logistics, before just trailing off entirely.
“I told her, right to her face at Easter about how I ate 6 creme eggs in 2 minutes and she just sat nodding along, not telling me she was a monster,” Darragh added before beginning to sob like a child.
Lauren, is one of 12 Irish people who voluntarily choose to wait an inordinate amount of time before eating delicious chocolate. While diagnosing the condition, experts have struggled to define the symptoms, but agree that most of those observed ‘display a ferocious resistance to the concept of happiness and joy’.
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