‘People Walking Around Park Think I’m Well Hard’, Says Topless Young Fella With Gold Chain


A YOUNG TOPLESS man, wearing a gold chain around his neck and grey tracksuit pants said people walking around the park in Waterford today thought he was ‘well hard’ and vowed to keep bare chested for as long as the sun shines.

The 23-year-old unemployed man, named locally as Patrick ‘Patch’ Hollihan, said nothing, made him feel better than intimidating people who were ‘just out for a stroll’.

“I do be starin’ them out of it boy! Most of them pretend to look at their phones or the ground or something. I does get some fuckin buzz off it boy!

“Then ya get the wankers with the sunglasses on. You wouldn’t know what way their looking. So I fucking ask the cunts ‘WHATCHA YA FUCKING LOOKIN AT FOUR EYES??’

“They nearly shit themselves hahahaha….fuckin clowns boi!”

Patch told WWN he used to work as an apprentice block layer during the boom years, but was laid off in 2004 when the contractor, he was working for was arrested for fraud and tax evasion.

“I’m happy out now. I don’t have to get up early in the mornings. I’m me own man now. The fuckin dole is great sure.

“If its a nice day, all I does is walk around the town with the lads, shoot some pool or just head to the park with a few cans of dutch.”

Mr. Hollihan went on to say how jealous some of his friends are about his physique.

“The lads do be always slagging me about me muscles, callin me schwarzenegger and tha’! I put in about four days a week trainin’. You’d need to be doin somethin boi!”

During the interview ‘Patch’ spots a small group of boys in school uniform and walks over towards them. As he walks, I notice his feet protrude in an outward motion, his hands flailing from side to side in a very intimidating fashion. It seems he is trying to make himself look bigger. Like some kind of strange bird fluffing its feathers.

He stops in front of the boys and says something inaudible from where I’m sitting. The boys bow their heads and he suddenly gestures forward in a fighting stance. The boys run off.

Patch, chuffed with himself, returns to the bench were I continue to interview him.

I ask him what he said to the young boys.

He replied: “Fucking young fella’s these days boi! I asked them if they were looking for a bit of shmoke and they said they didn’t touch the stuff.

“But it was the way they said it, like they were looking down on me or somethin’. So I told them to get out of my park before I’d break their fucking faces……hahahahaha”

Even Patch’s laugh was intimidating.

He later claimed he was always the ‘hard man’ of the group and that he would regularly get into fights out-side fast food take-aways and pubs.

“I’m mad I am. You should see me when I get going boi! I’m an animal!”

The young man went on to pity the people in the park who were afraid of him. He then reflected on how it must ‘suck being such a pussy all the time’, walking around in fear like a molested budgie, hiding behind sunglasses so no one can see ‘their stupid eyes’.

Mr Hollihan then proceeded to punch his left hand with his right fist.

“I fucking hate them stuck up bitches with their posh tracksuits and their designer shades. You know the deadly lookin ones you’d see jogging around with the pants painted on them. I’d love to….*makes gyrating pelvic motion*”

“If only they could see the real me. I’m not all that bad boi!” he added.

When the sun eventually gave way to a cloud, Patch put on his tracksuit top and said he had to go because he had to be home at 6 for his supper.

He ended the interview with: “Better go, otherwise the mother will kill me boi!”