Jesus To Lay Off The Meth For Lent This Year


JESUS has vowed to stay off the meth for forty days this year as part of his ritual lent fasting, a source close to the man revealed today.

Jesus Christ, who is serving a seven year stretch for manslaughter, has told fellow inmates he will not be leaving his cell for the duration of the fasting period, as he doesn’t want to be ‘corrupted by outsiders’.

The self-proclaimed only son of God entered cell 245c this morning at 1pm for lock down.

Inmates told WWN that Jesus has done this every year without fail since his incarceration in 2006.

“Jesus is dedicated hommes.” said long time prison pal Marco Salvino. “That dude smokes more ice than we breathe air!”

In August 2005, Mr. Christ was involved in a hit and run with a rabii priest who was crossing the street at the time.

Jesus ploughed through the man and witnesses say he then reversed back over him.

It is thought the 33-year-old then panicked and drove off again, finally crushing the rabii to a pulp and leaving him for dead.

Christ was finally arrested in January ’06 for possession of Methamphetamine and later confessed to the hit and run.

Jesus told the court he was sorry for his sins and begged the court for forgiveness.

In a statement to the court, he said: “I was actually about to come out and tell the world of my second coming! Then I seen the rabii and I just lost it! I can’t remember much after that. It was a moment of madness. Dad has forgiven me and so can you.”

The judge told Jesus that he had taken his previous life experiences into account and sentenced him to ten years for manslaughter.

Jesus will be released on Dec 21st this year.