Unbelievable: Irish TD Admits Spending €134k On Plastic Surgery To Look Like Idol Groucho Marx


A COUNTY Waterford politician has spent twelve years and €134,000 in an effort to look like his hero Groucho Marx, it was revealed today.

Independent TD John Halligan has used the Marx brothers distinguished features as the inspiration for numerous surgeries, including a hair transplant from his scrotum to secure full eyebrows and moustache, eyelid surgery and cheek implants to get the desired lift he needed to replicate his the 1930’s comedic actor.

“I love Groucho,” Mr. Halligan told Waterford Whispers News. “My family think I’m mad, but when you idolise someone like I do, you will do anything to emulate them.”

The once Mayor of Waterford went on to describe his first ever surgery back in 2002.

“Shortly after failing to secure a position in the local workers’ party, I decided I was going to make the leap into Marxville.” he recalled, while puffing on a Groucho-esque cigar. “At the time my tash and eyebrows were weak, so I opted for a hair transplant from my ball sack.”

Halligan had already spent €22,000 on the procedure, but said he wasn’t happy with the results.

“The hair was too coarse and I had to brush it every five minutes.” he said. “It kept sticking up and would sometimes tickle my nose, causing chronic sneezing.”

In 2009, when he was appointed Mayor of the oldest city in Ireland, John went for more surgery in Hungary.

“I was making a few quid at that stage so I said why not.”

However, during an operation to round out his left eye socket, the bushy haired maverick went into septic shock. Later investigations would find the poor conditions of the Backstreet plastic surgery were to blame.

“The ‘doctor’ performing the operation accidentally washed his hands in pig vomit. Little did I know at the time, but he was actually doubling up as a butcher who had a fully functioning butchers at the front of the premises.” he explained. “Unbeknownst to patients, he would serve customer’s meat and then continue the surgery out the back.”

Although Halligan’s similarity to his idol isn’t immediately obvious, he says he does get mistaken for Groucho Marx quite a lot.

“People would quote Groucho to me like “Make me a crocodile sandwich, and make it snappy!”. He added. “Although, I have also been mistaken for Tom Selleck in the past, and Saddam Husse