Man With Official Looking Badge Convinced He Is Important


Wicklow Man Ross Filan took to the streets of Arklow today to inform people of his inherent importance.

Mr. Filan, a 31-year-old health and safety officer, began restricting people’s access to Wong’s takeaway on Arklow main street by producing a shiny badge.

Mr. Filan freely brandished his impressive state accredited health and safety ID to anyone who was within his view even rushing into oncoming pedestrians just in case they weren’t aware he possessed a modicum of authority.

“Don’t know if my badge is close enough to your eye balls there, but I’m kind of a big deal… Wong’s ain’t gonna be open much longer if I have anything to do with it,” Mr. Filan told an elderly woman as she walked away pretending not to hear.

Inexplicably Mr. Filan then donned a hi-vis jacket and proceeded to usher pedestrians away from the entrance to the popular take away.

“Are you the Guards? Jaysus has there been a murder?” inquired Therese Brophy, a local resident, “is it Tommy Grogan, have they killed him? He was a right bollocks,” she continued.

“No, I’m a health and safety inspector; actually there was a chair 3 feet too close to an exit. Truly dangerous stuff,” a flummoxed Mr. Filan responded shyly.

“So like, what can you do exactly? And what are ya writing on that clipboard at all?” chimed in another passer by.

“Well, I’ll file a report and then in several months time I can return and if the owner hasn’t complied I can, eh, file another report…right now I’m drawing a cowboy fighting an elephant – do you want to have a look?” Mr. Filan said while visibly deflating his ego.