Irish To Remain Whitest People On Earth Following New Sunbed Laws


Initially, it was thought the regulations put forward were conceived primarily with the Nation’s health in mind but WWN has learned that is not the case.

Following the massive tourist drive that was ‘the Gathering’ the tourism industry received a record number of complaints from people visiting Ireland.

The chief concern of tourists was that their preconceived image of Ireland was left in tatters upon seeing far too many tanned Irish people.

“The Emerald Isle is known for its fantastically pale citizens and we feel tourism will continue to suffer if all that tourists see are sallow skinned sunbed addicts,” admitted Minister for Transport, Tourism and Sport Leo Varadkar.

“There is a real need to crack down on the ‘orange fake tan population’ in order to restore that quaint ginger infested image Americans have of Ireland”.

If the regulations are enforced Ireland will regain the title of World’s ‘Whitest Nation’ since losing the crown several years ago to Iceland.
“I know people are scared Ireland will become a safe haven for white supremacists, but we have a plan in place to avoid that,” concluded the Minister.

Amongst the proposed measures to regulate the use of sunbeds is the banning of all ginger people from ever using them.

“We have to think of the future for tourism in Ireland,” said head of Tourism Ireland, Kenneth Davenport, “the Yanks won’t buy postcards with a tanned and beautiful blonde on it, it just won’t happen. We need to encourage that translucent ginger look that has brought in the big bucks over the years.”