God Not Sure Where To Put Ronnie Biggs
A VATICAN spokesperson stated today that the almighty father of the universe has ‘no idea’ where to put the late Ronnie Biggs, due to the train robbers colourful past.
Biggs, who was 84, was being cared for at the Carlton Court Care Home in East Barnet, North London, before croaking it earlier today. His spirit is said to be pending in purgatory at the moment.
“God doesn’t know what to do with him,” said a Vatican official. “He likes him as a character, but he has to take his sins into account before passing judgement.”
Biggs escaped from prison in 1965 after being arrested for one of the biggest armed robberies in the country. He spent 36 years on the run before finally being arrested and jailed in 2001.
“Various factors will seal Biggs’ fate.” explained the Vatican. “This judgement could be decided by a flick of a coin, it’s that close.”
If the great train robber is accepted into heaven, it could be a landmark case for the kingdom of heaven in accepting ‘loveable rogues’.
“Deep down, people really like Ronnie Biggs,” said theologian Dr. Timmy Ryan of Trinity College Dublin. “But at the end of the day, it’s God that decides our fate, and that fucker doesn’t have to answer to nobody.”
God is expected to pass judgement after Coronation Street tonight.