“Well, We’re Hardly Going To Raise Our Prices After Winter”: Bord Gais

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BORD GAIS CEO John Mullins responded to the companies latest 2pc hike in energy costs today by stating that they were ‘hardly going to raise prices after Winter’, after regulators granted the proposal.

Mr Mullins told WWN that he was shocked at the high number of customers who pretended to be surprised by the latest increase.

“Surely these people know the cold season is when we make the most money.” he said, while receiving a pedicure. “It wouldn’t be much use to us raising gas and electricity prices in May.”

The Commission for Energy Regulator gave the company the green light to raise prices by 2pc late last week, which made only a €121,000,000 last year in profits.

“We’re hoping to round it off to two hundred mill for twenty thirteen baby!” explained Mullins. “It just has a nicer ring to it or something.”

“We originally asked for a seven percent increase, but there’s apparently a recession on or something.”

The new rise is set to come into effect on October 1, just two weeks before what is expected to be another harsh Budget.

“Best to get all the bad news over in time for Christmas” he added.  “I hope we have a white one!”

Financial groups estimate that the average Irish household will be absolutely fucked for money this year, and urged larger families to start planning on cull on younger, weaker members.

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