RTE Replace Entire Cast Of Fair City With Cardboard Cut-Outs Of Kathryn Thomas

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RTE have announced their decision today to replace the entire cast of Fair city with cardboard cut-outs of Kathryn Thomas as dramatic new budget cuts hit the station.

Over forty cast members were given the bad news on Friday evening during a meeting called by executive producer Brigie de Courcy.

Veteran of the show Jim Bartley (Bella Doyle) told WWN today that he was ‘devastated, angry, upset and shocked’ at the news and slammed RTE”s decision as ‘appalling, unfair, disgusting, displeasing, outrageous  and ‘insulting’ to the cast and viewers.

“Words cannot explain how I feel right now.” said the only half way decent actor on the show.

General Director of the station, Noel Curran, said the decision came after viewing figures hit an all time low last year.

Sources at RTE said complaints relating to the poor performances of the cast were starting to overwhelm the studio.

One viewer was qouted as saying: “I wouldn’t use them as props in a school play.

“They have the acting level of a  a packet of frozen peas.”

Fifty three different cardboard cut-outs of Kathryn Thomas will be used for the new series. Each one will replace and  replicate, at best, the current character’s and extras in the programme.

The already spread-thin television presenter said she has no problem with the extra work and is looking forward to the challenge over the coming months.

“I just can’t wait to try out the North Dublin accent.”

“Charlie is definitely me favourite but I am partial to a bit of Zumo, wha’?” she giggled.

Ms. Thomas currently hosts over 50 shows for RTE and holds a part-time job serving vegetables in the canteen on week-ends.

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