Jeremy Corbyn Wakes From 2-Year Coma

BRITAIN is still experiencing the aftershocks of a political earthquake following Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn’s sudden awakening from a coma which saw him lie stationary in bed, unable to function or direct the Labour party, and trapped in a braindead-like state for roughly 2 years.

Bolting upright Corbyn took in a deep breath as if he was breathing for the first time in two years, licked his finger to see which way the wind was blowing and immediately stated it was his preference to stage a second Brexit referendum in the event of his own party’s proposals being rejected, and Theresa May’s deal being accepted by the Commons.

How Corbyn knew the exact current state of British politics in February 2019 despite being in an unresponsive coma for two years is unclear, but nurses speculate his brain could have registered some information from a radio at the nearby nurses station.

“We’re just glad Jeremy is awake, that was a sad two years,” confirmed one member of Labour, who was glad their party’s leader was finally back and healthy, and in a position to lead the party.

“Imagine not having a leader for two years? It was a strange scenario but onwards and upwards, and who knows maybe tomorrow we’ll have another 180 degree u-turn backflip pirouette on another big issues”.

Elsewhere Tory leader Theresa May is having an uncharacteristically successful day as only 3 cabinet ministers are threatening to resign unless she removes the threat a no-deal exit from the EU.