DIVISIVE TORY politician Boris Johnson is now the overwhelming favourite to usurp British PM Theresa May after it was revealed Johnson expertly got dressed all by himself without any help from anyone else, WWN can reveal.
Pictured yesterday jogging in a field of wheat, Johnson’s pairing of a zip fleece and patterned shorts led many political experts to speculate that the former Foreign Secretary may have dressed himself thus allaying all fears that he may be some sort of vacuous and politically redundant idiot.
“That’s the leadership we need,” an anonymous Tory backbencher exclaimed excitedly after hearing of Johnson’s dynamic movements which led him to put one leg into his shorts before then putting a second leg in to his shorts, completing stage one of a 78 stage getting dressed process.
Johnson had previously shown no aptitude for getting dress unaided or displaying any knowledge of history, politics, issues facing 21st century Britain, complexities of ironing out a Brexit deal or indeed the idea of possessing cogent thoughts, making his self-clothing all the more remarkable.
“We can really make a start on making things a lot worse for the vast majority of British people now Boris has proven he has what it takes to get dressed without any help whatsoever,” explained David Davis fresh from not being served in a Dublin bar on account of the fact he tried to pay with sterling.
Elsewhere Brexit continued to hurtle towards its gloriously successful end as Boris Johnson’s successor as foreign secretary, Jeremy Hunt, compared the EU to the Soviet Union and DUP leader Arlene Foster confirmed changing the Good Friday Agreement and setting the clocks back to the 1970s sounded just splendid.
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Local Student Will Not Purchase Anything Without A Student DiscountPosted by Waterford Whispers News on Thursday, 14 February 2019