AT any one time, the majority of self service till supervisors are having a little chat with their work colleagues at the other end of the store, a new real time survey into self service till supervisors has revealed.
Right now, approximately 97% of supervisors are being hailed by the self service checkout machines as thousands of customers desperately pan across the busy shop floor in a bid to lock eyes with the person who is meant to be in charge.
The report found that the majority of the missing supervisors are probably talking to one of the real checkout girls about the new manager, Brian, while casually laughing and joking in a complacent manner, almost taunting customers now waiting in a large queue.
Despite the fact that not one customer in the history of self service checkouts has successfully managed to scan their shopping without having to hail a supervisor, it seems the majority of operators still continue to disappear from their work station duties on a regular basis.
“Maybe if self service till attendants stayed where they were supposed to, there would be less queues,” the groundbreaking report concluded.
Following the survey, it is expected that new measures will be introduced to the self service checkout tills, including new automated messages, such as:
- ‘Help is on its way in about 10 minutes after Noreen tells Jessica all about John in the Deli departments breakup with the missus’.
- ‘There’s an unexpected little shit leaning on the baggage area’.
- ‘Don’t forget to scan that bag, we’re watching you’.
- ‘This is card only, you gobshite’
- ‘Don’t forget your phone credit again for the 100th time’.