THE Department Of Health has urged the nation to dig deep in their arsenal of derogatory terms for nurses in a bid to find the perfect, most insulting phrases possible to throw at them after leaving Ireland in their droves for better wages and working conditions in the UK.
At a time when the A&E situation in Ireland is reaching crisis point, nurses have been singled out as ‘the main problem’ with standards of health care in their native land, following damning reports that 106 out of the 107 nurses that graduated in Ireland in 2017, have been recruited by hospitals in England.
Calls have been made for a ‘Ryan’s Daughter’ style approach to any nurse who dares to attempt to further her career abroad instead of enduring 80 hour weeks for a fraction of their earning power here, with public head-shavings and vile graffiti on their parent’s house declared ‘a suitable measure’ by the department of health.
“I think it’s a disgrace that these people refuse to accept 15% less than their counterparts,” said a spokesperson for Simon Harris, currently having a lie-down because all this is getting to him a bit.
“Honestly, if you were an Irish nurse and you had the choice of working for less than you’re worth while watching the HSE piss money away, or heading to England for fair wages and a better life overall, you’d stay in Ireland, wouldn’t you? COYBIG and all that? But no, these women are heading over to England, for the Queen’s shilling! They don’t remember the famine! Turncoats, all of them!”.
Meanwhile the HSE is looking to follow the ‘English way of doing things’ with plans to poach nurses from other countries by offering them lower wages, but all the free craic they could ever hope for.