THE WEEK-LONG celebrations kick off with a star-studded bash and a well earned photo opportunity for the leader of the country.
Ireland’s undisputed national dish, curry on literally anything, long ago secured the affections of the nation and continues to stave off competition from boring salads. How does one celebrate such a treasured dish? Read on to find out:
Hosted at Dublin Castle, stars such as Adele, Ryan Gosling and Marty Morrissey will walk a carpet made entirely out of curry. President Michael D Higgins, an avid curry fan, will then be dipped in a vat of curry sauce beside the Liffey and launched out of a cannon into a giant bowl of rice on the other side of the river.
Nationwide curry eating championships will take place, hosted in Phoenix Park with millions expected to attend. With people rewarded on best noises made after a satisfying mouthful of curry. There will even be a ‘ooh-ing’ competition As Gaeilge too.
The celebrations also take in developments in curry technology and research as scientists at TCD will explore what other foods pair well with curry sauce. However, early indications are that the costly experiments are pointless as everything from curry chicken, curry raw carrots, curry donuts, curry avocado, curry pizza and chips curry have returned a verdict of ‘delicious’.
As outlined in the budget, a modest sum of €400 million has been put aside to pay the World’s 100 leading Michelin star chefs to cook curry-based breakfast, lunch and dinner for the entire nation. A huge task for the 100 chefs, they are under strict instructions that none of the intense shouting and screaming common in high-pressure kitchens be done in the presence of curry.
Special provisions have been made to allow people so enamoured by curry make their union with the drool-inducing sauce official. For this week only, it will be legal be marry curry, however, the church has yet to confirm if communion wafers eaten during mass will be dipped in curry first.