North Korea And US Take Earrings Off, Ask Boyfriends To Hold Their Jackets

THE footage is typical of a midnight dust-up; grainy, shaky, filmed in portrait. However, the combatants are clearly visible on occasions, pacing around each other outside a chipshop as a braying crowd egg them on and the restaurant door staff fret over whether or not they should step in and do something.

“Worldstar!” yells someone from the crowd, and our cameraman laughs so hard his phone becomes even shakier, making it more difficult to see the US and North Korea as they trade insults, each daring the other to ‘make a move, bitch’.

With the growing crowd becoming restless at the lack of action, the two heavy-hitters stood nose-to-nose in the middle of the footpath, as voices from onlookers such as Russia, China and Syria prompted them to ‘fuck each other up’.

The stand-off looked to be about to boil over as both the US and North Korea took a step back, removed their jackets and handbags, their large gold hoop earrings and their phones from their bras, but neither participant looked like they were anywhere near throwing the first punch.

“Looks like you two are all talk,” came a voice from the crowd, now dispersing through disinterest.

“Always the fucking same when these two have a go at each other. Both talking themselves up, neither of them anywhere near willing to get into an actual fight. But still, they’ll bang on about how great they are and how they’re going to beat the shit out of the other, making themselves seem like the big dog… they’ve been going on like this for decades. Fucking handbags stuff, pathetic”.

As the YouTube footage of the stand-off cut abruptly to black, both the US and North Korea could be heard to remark that the other ‘had better run’, before claiming that they wouldn’t be fighting because they ‘just had their nails done’.