457 Visas: Will Your Friends In Australia Still Be Unbearable? We Answer Your Questions


WITH Australian Prime Minister Malcolm Turnbull announcing an end to the 457 visa, many Irish people, including those planning to go to Australia as well as those currently in Australia expressed serious concerns.

However, a greater number of people stuck with the perma-grey depressing Irish skyline felt the fresh sparks of hope that the news could spell an end for the intense jealousy they feel towards the lives led by friends and family in Australia.

In an effort to answer your burning questions regarding whether or not those people you regularly Facebook stalk will continue to be unbearable, WWN did the research, crunched the facts, mashed the numbers and stuck them all in a truth blender to clear everything up.

“Haha, class. Not so smug now are we Terry Mackem, the lad I was in senior infants with in 1995, ya prick?”

Sadly, Terry will remain inadvertently smug and unbearable as Turnbull’s cancellation of the visa scheme is not as restrictive as his government would have the fervently anti-immigrant portion of the Australian electorate believe. A new visa system will replace the 457 and highly skilled people like computer scientist Terry will be unlikely to struggle for a visa. Had Terry been on Turnbull’s ‘tough on immigration’ list of professions that will now favour native Australians such as goat farmer and antiques dealer then maybe Terry would be back in Waterford, stuck in a dead-end job he hates, just like you.

Will Shona Collins, the bitch, stop flooding my Instagram feed with pictures of sunshine, the outdoors, happiness?

We don’t know how to tell you this, but Shona may cease this practice in the short term as she’s currently shitting herself over the news, however, once she realises her 4-year 457 visa will be unaffected as it was granted last year, she will return to never-ending selfies of her life in Oz up until at least 2020.

Will I have to listen to people forced to come home because of this decision make up some bullshit to try to mask the reason why they were actually forced to come home?

Yes, there will be a small portion of Irish people in Australia pretending that they came home for a reason of their own choosing, and they may very well utter variants of ‘you know, it was just time to come home. It’s not as great as everyone says it is’. Lies.

So, you’re basically saying this isn’t good news for me at all

If ‘good news’ to you meant watching smugly as your friends in Australia were forced to come home, then no it isn’t ‘good news’.

Argh, I can’t be happy for anyone. I hate them

Can’t help you here buddy, and not sure that’s even a question. Chin up though, it’s not all bad. You might know some people living it up in Australia but they can’t say they were able to watch the Country and Western Late Late Show special, can they?