AN GARDA SÍOCHANA has issued its yearly warning to law abiding citizens who are thinking about heading into Dublin for the St. Patrick’s Day festivities, WWN can confirm.
“We’d love to help, but c’mon folks you know the drill at this stage; after a certain hour the capital’s streets become the property of drunken scumbags,” a garda spokesman explained as he put on 8 stab vests ahead of today’s family friendly events.
With the large influx of people into Dublin’s city centre on St. Patrick’s Day every year, gardaí find themselves overwhelmed with the number of incidents, minor and major, that they must attend to.
“It’s wildly different from any other day of the year for us,” explained the spokesperson, “on St. Patrick’s Day we don’t have the officers to deal with the task at hand, we won’t have enough equipment to go around and many law abiding citizens will be worryingly exposed to being victims of crimes. No wait, hang on, that’s actually sounding a lot like an average day in Ireland really,” the spokesperson observed.
Careful not to unduly strike fear into the hearts of the public, gardaí are simply explaining to the public that they should avoid the Dublin 1-24 areas, adding “you’re on your own”.
The Gardaí appealed to tourists unfamiliar with the usual trouble which can unfold on Dublin’s streets, urging them to watch Mad Max Fury Road if they are looking to do some research before making the trip into Dublin.
Not wanting to send the public into a complete meltdown, the gardaí felt it appropriate not to point out the fact that if anything big did go wrong today Minister for Transport Shane Ross is technically in charge while the Taoiseach and cabinet are away.