Mother On Protest Walk From Cork To Dublin ‘Obviously High’, Insists Simon Harris

A CORK woman walking from her home town to Dublin in a bid to legalise medicinal cannabis is “obviously high”, Health Minister Simon Harris has insisted today.

Mother-of-four Vera Twomey, whose daughter Ava has a debilitating form of epilepsy, began the walk late last night to protest a rejection by the HSE of an application on Ava’s behalf for access to medicinal cannabis on compassionate grounds.

“Anyone wanting to walk 248.1 km to Dublin like that must be off their heads on hash,” Mr. Harris stated, “no wonder the HSE refused her, she’ll probably end up selling it on the street or something,” adding “And who will end up paying the rehabilitation costs for all their drug habits then? Not the HSE, that’s for sure…. no really, we don’t have a proper program for that either”.

Despite a Health Products Regulatory Authority (HPRA) report recommending the prescribing of medicinal cannabis for patients with specific medical conditions, legislative amendments have yet to be implemented, leaving thousands of people suffering needlessly across the country.

“We’ll probably have a look at it again in another few years, once all this stoned walking to Dublin trend subsides,” added Harris, now wearing a Bob Marley beanie in jest, “plus, we need to make sure everyone makes enough money from CBD first. That kind of planning takes ages: the pharmacists will want a cut, revenue will want a cut, like, we need to draft up a proper business plan for this so everyone profits… what’s the rush?”.

Meanwhile, 7-year-old Ava Twomey undergoes her 15th epileptic seizure today, with another 4 or 5 expected before bedtime.