TDs Already Signing A Card For Enda Kenny

SOURCES inside Leinster House have confirmed that several Fine Gael and Independent Alliance politicians have already signed a ‘farewell card’ for the current Taoiseach Enda Kenny, and have so far raised €67.54 towards a carriage clock in a secret whip around.

“There’s barely any room left to squeeze a name in, so TDs are now being asked to just write their initials instead,” said the source, “John Halligan picked out a lovely Waterford Crystal clock, which will be presented to Enda when he resigns”.

In a bid to hide the farewell card, Mr. Kenny was reportedly ignored in the Dáil canteen at lunchtime, sitting on his own with a flask of tea and eating tin-foil wrapped ham sandwiches his wife made for him, while ministers contributed to a Dealz card in the chambers.

“He has no idea yet, but he’s absolutely going to love my hilarious card message ‘Enda The Line,” said Minister for Social Protection Leo Varadkar, insisting that he will not be forcing the Taoiseach to resign, despite openly shouting ‘bagsies’ at Simon Coveney while pointing to Mr. Kenny’s seat during today’s Dáil proceedings.

The 65-year-old Fine Gael leader is expected to step down after a series of alleged government cover ups relating to the Garda Maurice McCabe whistle-blowing case, and is expected to be replaced with a new, equally inept politician.