Stamp Lickers Union Calls For An Post Strike

AN POST’s stamp lickers union have called for a ballot on industrial action to take place as more and more public sector pay workers fight for better pay and working conditions.

Chronically dry tongues are just one of many long term effects that An Post’s stamp lickers can suffer from as they lick close to 2,000,000 stamps a year.

An archaic hangover from British rule, An Post has always kept a division of saliva rich workers in their GPO HQ despite advancements in postage stamp adhesive technology.

“Some of our older customers just prefer things the old way, when you’d come up O’Connell St and the stamp lickers would be there in their kiosks with their tongues hanging out waiting for a customer to swipe a stamp across them,” explained head of An Post’s Stamp Lickers Division Tim Kinitty.

Stamp lickers are demanding longer breaks and pay restoration as well as an acknowledgement from the government that the demands of the job have changed significantly. The government has previously rejected a proposal whereby staff is paid double for licking an envelope/

“The stamps never used to be this feckin’ big when I first started,” explained the longest serving stamp licker in Ireland, 81-year-old Edith Drury, “me tongue is battered from all those fancy commemorative stamps the hoors in government or councils or wherever are always commissioning. I deserve more pay surely”.

According to latest estimates, the only profession left that hasn’t explored the possibility of strike action are auld lads who whistle as they walk to the shops to grab a few messages.