Growing Number Of Teens Being Radicalised By Sinn Féin

GARDAÍ have begun an investigation into Sinn Féin after receiving several anonymous tips which allege a growing number of teens are being radicalised by the political party.

Citing instances involving thousands of teenagers, the anonymous callers urged the gardaí to act swiftly before the situation got out of control.

“We received some calls, yes, that warranted closer investigation, as some teenagers not known for political beliefs or opinions were now spouting nonsense that could only have been issued to them by Sinn Féin,” Garda Tony Martin, head of Ireland’s Anti-Radicalisation Unit (ARU) explained to WWN.

However, Garda Martin could not comment on whether or not all of the calls placed had come from a number of offices within Leinster House.

“I can’t give away the ARU’s sources, that would be a bit amateur hour, me standing here telling you the Taoiseach rang us…ah shite,” Garda Martin concluded in a panic.

It is believed a number of these radicalised teens have gone from incredibly inactive on a political front to asking questions about the tax status of multinational companies in Ireland, and inquiring about failings in the HSE, mere weeks after coming into contact with Sinn Féin.

“Oh God, that’s sounds very worrying indeed, I imagine that caller to be of strong moral character and very handsome, who just has a bit of concern for the youth of today going down a radical path,” the Taoiseach Enda Kenny said, when asked by the media about the alleged incidents.

The ARU confirmed all teenagers affected will undergo a series of rehabilitation clinics, which will see them learn of the amazingly vibrant Irish economy, and of how there are currently enough jobs in Ireland for 40 million people.