WITH the summer holidays quickly approaching and a whole pile of things on his to-do list, Waterford man Seamus Pringle has set out to finally catch coronavirus for the first time. Pringle, 36, feels he has managed to avoid the infection for the entirety of the pandemic thanks to adequate social distancing, mask-wearing and good… Read more »
FACED WITH a near impossible task of housing an estimated 10,000 additional Ukrainian refugees by the end of the month, the government is working around the clock to find the best way to make this work for developers, contractors and anyone else seeking to profiteer. “It’s an unprecedented crisis and as a result we’ve all… Read more »
GREEN Party leader Eamon Ryan has continued to point out simple ways that families can reduce their energy bills and weather the current cost-of-living storm, despite numerous pleas for him to ‘shut the fuck up’ about the subject. Ryan has noted simple methods such as ‘taking shorter showers’ or ‘cycling more than driving’ as things… Read more »
THE addition of the phrase ‘the victim was known to gardaí’ at the end of an horrific news report surrounding a shooting in Cork today has come as a relief to Waterford man Miles Canlon, who came very near to actually being upset about the incident. “I’d heard on the news that a man about… Read more »
MUCH has been made about the time capsule section of the 2022 census, a new addition by the Central Statistics Office who seem to think that there will be someone to open it in one hundred years time. In fact, the nation spending a large portion of the weekend perfecting what witty, poignant, angry or… Read more »
ONE LOCAL census filler outer is suppressing all juvenile urges while contemplating his official form, especially when it comes to the ‘time capsule’ section which offers people the chance to write a message to future generations. “But it’d be hilarious,” reasoned Daniel Pheland in his head as he stared at the blank white space, which… Read more »
THE government’s statement that 35,000 additional homes may be need to be built to house Ukrainian refugees arriving in Ireland since the Russian invasion of their country has required officials to reach the ‘no bad ideas at this stage lads’ phase of planning, with ideas on the table such as: 1) Checking each and every… Read more »
DUBLIN woman Shannon Cannnings has opted to send an 8-minute voice note as it’s ‘quicker to say rather than type out’, much to the joy of her friends on their WhatsApp group. “Before she discovered voice notes, she’s send normal text messages that were short and to the point, but of course now that she… Read more »
WHAT first appeared to be a sensible way to help lower and middle income individuals to enroll in a pension scheme has been confirmed by the government as yet another way for them to not bother addressing the housing crisis. “See, a lot of you paupers will never own a home and once you’re 67… Read more »
FURTHER explaining the reasoning behind the decision to expel four Russian embassy officials, Minister for Defence Simon Coveney said that the good for nothing scoundrels had been caught scaling the wall of a Jacobs production facility in the search for answers to how the biscuit maker gets the figs into fig rolls. “Running an extensive… Read more »
