House Prices To Continue Soaring Until All The Money Is Gone: Report

A NEW report has concluded that house prices will continue soaring until all the money is gone.

According to the study, property will eventually outpace all other commodities to such a degree that homes themselves will become the global currency in the final stages of economic collapse. At that point, the housing market will implode in on itself, creating a money vortex so dense that not even light can escape – ultimately erasing all life and birthing a new, post-human world.

Scientists behind the report predict that in this future, Earth will be populated exclusively by empty homes, which will eventually gain sentience and begin forming their own peaceful civilisation.

“Earth’s destiny is clear,” said Professor Edwin Cummins, lead researcher. “A planet where structures live in perfect harmony, free from the need for food, currency, or affected by environmental destruction. In many ways, it’s the utopia we never deserved.”

Cummins described a future society composed of wooden houses, brick homes, mud huts, and cardboard boxes – all living side by side in love and mutual respect. “A true civilisation of peace,” he added, “with double-glazed empathy and energy-efficient compassion.”

The report suggests that once all money is absorbed into property and humans can no longer afford food, humanity will simply die out – clearing the way for a golden age of intelligent buildings.

However, following publication, Professor Cummins and his team were promptly diagnosed with acute exhaustion after spending 18 straight months trying to predict when property prices might eventually stop rising. As such, experts now believe their conclusions may, in fact, never happen.

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