Zombies Bored Of Themselves At This Stage

A SPOKESZOMBIE from the World Association of Zombies (WAZ) in LA has spoken out against what he calls the ‘tired and reductive portrayal’ of zombies in film and television, claiming even the undead themselves are bored stiff by it all.

“We’re more than just flayed skin, a sluggish walk or a rage induced rampant run, and the faint scent of rot,” said Henrick Hazel, WAZ’s long-standing spokeszombie, during a press conference that lasted considerably longer than expected due to his pacing and periodic grunting.

“We’ve evolved. Many of us no longer eat brains. Some of us are even vegan. And yet every time we turn on the telly, there we are – having our heads caved in with a shovel or chainsawed in half by some screaming teenager. It’s dull. Even we’re tired of it, I don’t care in the the latest movie we’ve great big mickeys” Hazel admitted, with what might have been a sigh or a slow exhale of grave dirt.

While WAZ isn’t demanding a full zombie reboot of Baywatch (though they’re ‘open to pitches’), the group is urging media companies to offer more meaningful roles – news anchors, retail workers, or even political leadership.

“Let’s be honest, what’s one more brain-dead president?” Hazel quipped, before being hit repeatedly over the head with a shovel by a passing Special Ops team who calmly dragged his twitching carcass away and into a specially designed zombie containment truck.

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