Jeff Bezos & Lauren Sanchez Vows Just The Listing Off Of Bank Balance

IN AN INTIMATE ceremony, surrounded by the world’s supply of private jets, Amazon founder and new wife Lauren Sanchez movingly exchanged vows made up entirely of their bank balances in Venice, Italy.

“1-3-9-0-3-4-4-6-0-0-0,” said a teary-eyed Bezos as he listed the amount of cash he has to hand at any given time.

“1-5-3-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0,” Sanchez whispered back to loud ‘aaaaws’ from guests (who people are free to make a note for when the revolution comes) as the 55-year-old listed the total value of stocks and investments the couple has.

“He flew the wedding rings over in a separate private jet, how romantic” gushed the Kardashians, who were admitted entry to the ceremony despite only being multi-multi-millionaires.

Later, once the formalities were over, Sanchez stunned guests at the wedding after-party as she arrived in a custom made brand new face, stitched by one of Beverly Hills most skilled surgeons.

The night was brought to a close by a fireworks display paid for by Bezos which ended with a Blue Origin rocket flying directly into the North Star, destroying the star on impact and creating a phenomenal spectacle above the Venice sky.

Meanwhile, there had been some local opposition to the wedding taking place in Venice as Bezos spent millions on modernising the rounded dome of the church the wedding took place in order to transform it into an exact replica of his head.

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