Peat Bogs To Be Fitted With Exploding Dye Packs

PEAT harvesters illegally selling turf will now have to navigate bogs rigged with exploding dye packs designed to identify offenders, WWN has learned.

Bright fluorescent pink dye packs – which detonate on contact and spray a specially formulated, combustion-resistant dye – have already been deployed in bogs across the country, much to the outrage of turf cutters now left literally red-faced.

“I can’t get the bloody stuff off me face,” complained 67-year-old farmer Johnny Timmons, who has been cutting turf since he was ’11 months old and barefoot.’

“When you burn it, it’s just pink smoke pouring out of the chimney and the whole village is laughing at me. The government hasn’t really thought this one through.”

The Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) defended the measure, stating that local authorities have been ‘conspicuous in their lack of enforcement’ of environmental laws regarding illegal large-scale peat extraction – and that treating mass-cutters like bank robbers is the only logical next step.

“It’s estimated 1,300 die prematurely every year in Ireland from poor air quality, and peat and only peat alone can be the sole cause” said an EPA spokesperson, before also calling for snipers to be installed at 38 locations nationwide under a ‘shoot to kill’ mandate.

“Forget the pollution from cars, planes, data centres or the fact we ship all our recycling and rubbish to the Far East – these handful of bog cutters are the real threat, and they must be taken out for humanity’s sake.”

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