Dublin Bus Unveil New State Of The Art Abacus To Calculate Passenger Fares

TRANSPORT FOR IRELAND have indicated that contactless payments on Dublin Bus, Dart and Luas may not be implemented until 2029, but commuters’ disappointment was tempered by the latest technological advancement unveiled by Dublin Bus.

“And say you’re going to Drimnagh then I move the coloured thingys over here and I calculate how much you owe,” explained bus driver Brian Doyle, tasked with operating the first abacus Dublin Bus system.

“The queues are longer, journeys take longer, everyone is in a foul mood but it’s early days maybe it’ll work in the long run,” added Doyle.

While the abacus system represents a step forward, the TFI have urged the public to be patient when it comes to contactless payments; a space age technology straight out of a Black Mirror episode.

“Right now we’re finding the most inefficient and expensive way to do this. It’ll be hard to choose a successful tender but it’s our hope to have a massive, glaring error like ‘doesn’t work with smart watches’ built in so it’ll need replacing 2 years after launching,” explained a spokesman for TFI.

“Don’t ask me, I’m just here to pose for photos when it’s time to claim credit for any positive news resulting from a policy the Green Party implemented and we fought against tooth and nail,” confirmed Minister for Transport Darragh O’Brien.

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