Move Over Snus: New Suppository Tobacco Pouches Flood Ireland

WITH tobacco giants finding ever more inventive ways to deliver their highly potent nicotine products, a new startup has discovered yet another orifice to stick your pouches in.

A-nus™, a Scandinavian-based company, has recently begun flooding the Irish market with their new line of nicotine suppositories – and they’ve become all the rage among teens looking for a discreet buzz and adults deluding themselves into thinking they’re kicking a habit..

“I’ve three of them up there now,” said 16-year-old Damien Carey of 3 Marion Road, Waterford, who wished to remain anonymous. “They’re great – they hit the bloodstream way faster than gum pouches, and you can actually hold a full conversation with several of them up your hole and no one suspects a thing.”

The sleek new pouches, coated in aloe vera for ‘easy implementation’ retail at around €20 a pack. Each suppository packs a powerful punch, boasting an unusually high nicotine concentration.

“I get palpitations – they’re some buzz!” exclaimed 18-year-old Alice Conroy, who likes to loiter outside Lidl with her friends and go through an entire pack in a single sitting. “It burns at first, but once you get past the piles, anal leakage, and the jitters, it’s actually not too bad.”

The shift from mouth to, well, arse, comes as Health Minister Jennifer Carroll MacNeill vows to ‘eradicate’ nicotine pouches, calling them ‘particularly invidious.’ However, it remains unclear whether the new A-nus™ range will fall under her proposed legislation targeting oral tobacco alternatives.

In a clear and flagrant attempt to market their product nicknamed ‘arse pillows’ to younger people, the A-nus™ range come with neon light-up and glittery options, a number of sweet scents that affect the smell of your stool and one limited edition A-nus™ plays the most popular trending songs on Tiktok.

Check out our shop. We’ve tonnes of designs to choose from with new ones added all the time. Each purchase helps us keep the lights on. Check it out here www.waterfordwhispers.shop