America Finally Great Again After President Makes Soft Drink Use Different Ingredient

SILENCING all of his critics, US President Donald J Trump sent shockwaves across the world after announcing Wednesday that he has allegedly convinced beverage giant Coca-Cola to use real cane sugar in its US production.

Rarely one to show emotion, Mr Trump wiped away tears as he announced the news at a special emergency press conference at the White House today.

“I have been speaking to Coca-Cola about using REAL Cane Sugar in Coke in the United States, and they have agreed to do so,” the 79-year-old proudly announced as the press room applauded the move, already being compared by Fox News to moments like JKF announcing America’s moon missions to Obama confirming the death of Bin Laden.

“I’d like to thank all of those in authority at Coca-Cola. This will be a very good move by them – You’ll see. It’s just better,” he added, pausing for dramatic effect and locking eyes with the camera as if addressing history itself and cementing the fact that yes, America is now officially great again.

Mr Trump, who installed a special Diet Coke button in the Oval Office, is expected to celebraate the news with some time off at his Mar-a-lago estate in Florida, but insisted his work for America isn’t finished yet.

“We’re also talking to Coca-Cola about reintroducing cocaine – the real original recipe. Thanks to Don Jr for the suggestion. Could be big. Could be huge,” Trump said before boarding Air Force One before crowds erupted into patriotic cheers and scattered U-S-A chants.

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