“Here Goes Nothing” Says Man Selecting Candidates On Ballot Based On Vibe Their Faces Give Off


FINDING HIMSELF stood in front of a voting booth with ballot papers for local council and the European parliament in hand, one local voter is taking his responsibility as a citizen with the utmost seriousness WWN can reveal.

“She’s giving me big bored of her husband energy, the minx, number 1 it is,” confirmed Niall Cantlin, foregoing the weighing up of political ideologies and a candidates’ beliefs as outlined in the 40,102 leaflets that were sent through the 33-year-old’s letterbox.

Using a method he refers to as ‘Fuck It, Here Goes Nothing’, Cantlin utilisied a process he considers far better than all that reading up on things shite people frequently mention.

“Sharp dresser, no nonsense stare, this lad means business – big serious head on him, you’ve just talked yourself into my number 2 fella,” Cantlin said to himself as he selected a candidate who believes the earth is shaped like a toilet.

Cantlin lamented the poor selection of candidates this term as he noticed by judging purely on their faces there was a number of fruit fondlers, panty sniffers and grave robbers.

“Whose this dopey looking head the ball, he’d try peeling a banana with a spoon by the looks of him,” said Cantlin, of candidate who held a PHD in thermal engineering according to the unread leaflet in Cantlin’s bin.

“Her hairdresser owes her a refund for that haircut, and I’d be getting on to God’s PA about her face ‘n all,” Cantlin continued, in a rare feat of implementing raw unfiltered intuition, which if correct could see him play a part in electing the best public representatives his locality and nation has ever had.