Government Admits Failure Of Thick-As-Shit Public To Understand Referendums

SIFTING through the wreckage of Friday’s two unsuccessful referendums, the Irish coalition government is now openly admitting its failures, chiefly how it has to contend with the fact it wholeheartedly underestimated the levels of brain rot present amongst the great unwashed.

“Sometimes you’ve got to hold your hands up and admit you knew the Irish public were stupid but not this stupid. We can admit when we’re wrong, and we got it so wrong here, you thickos can’t even grasp our amazing referendum messaging and campaigning” confirmed a spokesperson from the government.

“Mea culpa, our bad. We knew our messaging was clear and concise but we should have boiled in down to monosyllabic grunts for you guys,” confirmed the Taoiseach, who said he couldn’t rule out future voting ballots being made of Play-doh.

The resounding rejection of the government’s wording for the two amendments to the constitution has led to a radical reappraisal of how the voting public is perceived in some political circles.

“Aaaaam I speeeeeaking sloooooowly enoooooough, do you understand?” confirmed the new head of the government’s Thick-As-Shit-Public Liaison Unit, who will lead a €20mn marketing drive to explain why the public should apologise to the government.

Similarly astute observations made by conservative elements in Irish society have confirmed that the No-No vote with a turnout of 44.4% is proof Irish people want a swift return to the Utopian times of 1950s Ireland.

Elsewhere, Sinn Féin have emerged from their referendum hibernation to confirm that the public can trust their party to communicate clearly with them, which is why they’re now trying to pretend like they didn’t say they would re-run a reworded care referendum if a No vote was successful.