“I Just Can’t Be Arsed Anymore” Says Pyjama Wearing Kate Smoking A Fag Outside Adelaide Cottage

“I’VE IT up to my tits now with this royal crap, I just can’t be arsed anymore,” Kate Middleton told WWN in a brief interview outside Adelaide Cottage this morning.

The Princess of Wales, once known for her elegance, grace and style, said she’s just taking some ‘me time’ to lounge about the house in her favourite comfy pyjamas and smoke some fags between minding her three children.

“Little bastards have me wrecked,” Kate went on, lighting another cigarette with the one she just finished, “I’ll probably get the nannies to bring them to the park so I can watch some Come Dine With Me, then maybe grab a little nap before the other fella comes home from ‘work'”.

With conspiracy theories abound over her lack of public appearances and a recent photograph which was pulled from circulation over evidence of photoshopping, Kate stated she’s in no rush to get back to work.

“Yeah sorry about the photoshop thing I was hammered on wine last night and tried to make it look nice – I usually do all the family press photos lately as times are tough,” she explained, now cracking open a can of Stella before defending the time, “look, it’s beer o’clock somewhere and I’ll need beer goggles for Kojak later – it’s always hard to get in the mood when he wants you to wear a strap on”.

Fist bumping this reporter goodbye, Kate threw out the remains of her coffee, cleared her throat and spat out some brown coloured phlegm onto the drive before telling staff to give the yard a good power wash.

“I need to give up the fags, they’ll be the death of me,” she finished.