Ranking The Mangled Screams Of Arnold Schwarzenegger

BY NO means a definitive ranking as internet forums and scientific symposiums that have long debated the merits of the mangled screams of Arnold Schwarzenegger will attest. However, WWN believes as with all great art forms the passage of time reveals new and hidden depths to an artist’s work.

And Arnold Schwarzenegger’s screams are no different. Here, we rank what we believe to be his greatest achievements in mangled screams.

Kindergarten Cop.

While enjoyable this mangled scream is a lacklustre effort in truth given the fact there is a lack jeopardy at play. In delivering it to a room of small children, we never sense fear in Arnie’s scream as we know if it came to it, these angry children even if they bound together are no physical match in a fight to the death. Points also taken away for enunciating ‘shut up’ clearly.

Total Recall.

While we appreciate Arnie aficionados will say this is more of a garbled than mangled scream, we’ll allow its inclusion as it is an unbridled expelling of one’s anger and rage.

Predator.

In Predator, Arnie elongates his scream into a battle cry. In his scream Arnie does what few actors can manage; he conveys the fear of facing off against the Predator but also that there is a bigger fear, a fear of oneself.

Total Recall again.

Here Arnie solves a question mankind had asked for centuries; what noise would one make if they had to remove an oversized tracker from their brain via their nose. The answer is a mangled scream that runs the spectrum of human pain and is so nuanced, we’re left breathless. “Arghaghahfceccrgh!” indeed.

Total Recall again again.

Just when you think the definitive mangled scream of Arnie’s career has been delivered, he tops it in the SAME film. Such was the force and magnitude of this mangled scream Arnie required an esophagus transplant. It’s the Mona Lisa of mangled screams. He has no equal, it is perfection.

The question isn’t if mangled screaming in the filmic medium peaked with Arnie in Total Recall, of that there is little doubt, rather did humanity itself peak?