Daily Mail Struggling To Link Meghan Markle To King Charles’ Cancer

“I’M NOT sure anyone will believe the voodoo angle, Jane, but it’s great you guys are thinking outside the box,” Daily Mail editor Jeremy Waynes told his team at a crisis meeting held this afternoon in Daily Mail HQ.

The ‘all-hands-on-deck’ meeting was called after Britain’s most revered tabloid’s struggled to find a link between King Charles’s recent cancer diagnosis and public enemy number one, Meghan Markle.

“The stress angle is too broad, guys, we need to pinpoint this right on her smug little American head,” Waynes elaborated once again, getting annoyed now that there isn’t really much to connect the two, as though Markle was winning this one. “Okay people, all I know is she’s out there laughing at us now and hoping that Harry will take the thrown somehow”.

With a five-hour brainstorming session failing to result in a concrete link, the team sieved through their ideas and barely contained racism one last time, hoping something would spark someone to come up with the most read story of the day.

“Nostradamus predicting his quick reign where Harry then becomes king, Camilla going in too hard with the butt plugs, cancer may have been just down to genetics, a rich diet and old age? Okay, what lunatic thought of that last one… John, you’re now demoted to the Vulnerable Celebrities Looking Terrible department,” Waynes said, finally giving up but not before cursing Meghan Markle for getting away with the possible death of yet another monarch.