“You Union Jack Shaggers Better Get Used To 2nd Class Citizen Status” Says Michelle O’Neill, In Unifying Message

WITH the DUP finally getting over their two-year sulk and accepting the fact Northern Ireland will have a nationalist first minister, Sinn Féin showed true leadership when party leader Mary Lou McDonald reassured worried Unionists by immediately breaking out the champagne to celebrate a United Ireland.

“Irish unity is within touching distance,” said McDonald, deftly walking a political tightrope that, were the wrong words chosen, could lead some in Unionist communities to feel Sinn Féin’s immediate priority was not improving services and infrastructure which has been neglected in recent years.

“And you Union Jack shaggers better get used to singing Amhrán na bhFiann,” added first minister Michelle O’Neill, in a unifying message reminiscent of Nelson Mandela.

It was the sort of shrewd comment that left the DUP no room to deflect criticism and anger from their voters back onto an opposition who could be respected for focusing solely on improving the everyday lives of people.

“Anyone speaking English will be fined, and you’ll have to dream in Irish. Schools will be supplied with only green, white and orange crayons, every day will be Bobby Storey funeral commemoration day,” continued O’Neill, rubbishing fears Sinn Féin would forego addressing voters concerns in favour of gloating and repeating ‘United Ireland’ like a monosyllabic Republican cockatoo.

“And you Alliance voters acting like you’re above sectarianism can do one as well,” concluded O’Neill, winning over the last few Loyalists on the fence about this historic shift in Northern Irish politics.