“As Someone On The Property Ladder It’s My Duty To Stop Others Joining It,” Insists Serial Objector

“THE second I bought my home for €12,500 in 1992 I knew things had to change in the Irish property market,” writes serial planning objector Colin Woods.

The 67-year-old retiree is one of dozens of Waterford homeowners who simply just hate all proposed new developments being built in their area for no other reason than being a cantankerous old bollocks with nothing better to do but stick his burst blood-vessel nose into everyone else’s business.

“An apartment block to cater for the ongoing housing crisis? Renters, no less! Not on my watch, there’s no way I’m letting God knows what into my neighbourhood. We’ll just claim there’s not enough amenities or transport services, that usually works,” Woods said, elaborating on his tactics, “failing that it’s straight to a local councillor mate of mine to get him involved and the residents association who are all made up of homeowners who got their homes for peanuts back in the day but somehow have the gaul to still look down upon people who rent like they’re the shit between their toes”.

Objecting to construction has become middle-Ireland’s favourite pastime at a time when over half a million Irish young people still live at home with their parents, while local councils underspend hundreds of millions of euros year-on-year without any explanation as to why they’re not doing the jobs they’ve been paid handsomely to do.

“Yes, my home is now worth 30 times it was when I bought it and it would take an average worker today 90 years to pay for it today, but we can’t have cheap apartments littering up the derelict sites in our area, these young snowflakes have it too easy,” Woods stated, “over my dead body,” he concluded, not realising this is what everyone is hoping for him right now.