We Ranked The Days Of The Week & Thursday Can Go Fuck Itself


THE BIGGEST takeaway from our five-month investigation into days of the week and their ranking is that Thursday can go fuck itself.

There’s no getting away from it, rankings are essential to human existence and without them Instagram pages asking you what Dublin pub does the best cheese toastie would be out of business, costing the economy billions in lost revenue in the process.

Combing through thousand of pages of research and reporting, involving a team of 22 journalists, WWN can confidently confirm Thursday sits a dead last in the ranking.

“Monday might be a prick, but it knows it’s a prick. There’s no arrogance, it knows it’s place in the pecking order. Thursday on the other hand,” confirmed lecturer in Calendar Studies at UCD Ciaran Tylan.

An imposter that insists on lying to our face. No other day dangles its naked ankle in your direction, tempting you into wanton abandonment of your responsibilities because ‘sure it’s practically the weekend’.

FACT CHECK: the fuck it is.

“Sunday brings with it a certain dread, a fear of the Monday yet to come. What does Thursday do? Tries to convince being hungover in work/school/college/the nursing home isn’t a big deal, not even a factor that needs considering, that’s unforgivable” confirmed frequent Thursday experiencer, Helen Chambers, “I don’t care how much it identifies as a Friday, I’m calling it Thursday”.

“Call me old-school but Monday is the bastard to beat all bastards, and yet there’s something about a Monday or Tuesday that has it’s own charm, the go slow, they ask nothing of you. If you’ve done fuck all with your week by Thursday, Thursday is staring you in the eye wondering when the party’s starting”.

The verdict is well and truly in, and there’s no way back for Thursday. No PR push can bury what we all now know to be true.

Full ranking:

7. Thursday
6. Monday
5. Tuesday
4. Wednesday
3. Sunday
2. Friday
1. Saturday