Choosing The Perfect Dog To Mask The Smell Of Dog From Your Bachelor Pad

DOES your bachelor pad wreak of wet dog, but you don’t own a dog and it basically just smells of you? Purchasing an actual dog to disguise the fact you smell like one is your only man.

Choose a long haired dog

You’ll need a dog with long, matty hair that when left unwashed smells like a coming-down-off base speed Galway crusty after a three day free party in the woods, which is perfect dog if you’re a coming-down-off base speed Galway crusty who tends to regularly go on a three day free party in the woods.

Incontinent rescue dog

Does your pad smell like old pee and shite? Purchasing an ageing rescue dog who is unable to retain urine or feces in the body is the perfect house pet for you. Friends complaining about the smell of stale piss coming from the wardrobe you drunkenly slashed on while sleepwalking one night? That’s the fucking dog mate. Rescue, innit!

Dead dog

Masking your victims’ rotting body parts that you carelessly left scattered around the house will never be an easy one to excuse, but it’s no problem with a dead dog. Dead dogs can be found anywhere and are relatively cheap too. Dead dogs are low maintenance, don’t need walking and the perfect excuse for dead people smells. Why do you have a dead dog in your flat they may ask? Just tell them you’re finding it hard to let go.