Lost Text Reveals St. Patrick Forgot To Expel Snakes From Irish Construction Industry


A NEWLY uncovered text dating back to the 8th century AD has detailed Saint Patrick’s regret for forgetting to expel all the snakes from the Irish construction industry, WWN reports.

The newly deciphered text written on goat’s skin explained that the patron saint apologised to the people of Ireland on his death bed for leaving reptiles in the sector, revealing he himself was bribed by contractors who constructed several churches for Patrick back in the day.

“It seems everyone has been vulnerable to these snakes for a long time,” historian Professor Conal Davies said, who has been researching the parchment for the past few months.

“Patrick agreed to leave the snakes in the construction industry if they built monasteries and churches for him as part of a deal, but later said it was his biggest regret, stating that these creatures will eventually ruin the country someday – and how right he was,” Davies added.

Explaining our current construction industries numerous failings and dodgy dealings, more recently detailed in an RTÉ Prime Time report where two individuals, operating as self-styled environmental non-governmental organisation, systematically objected to planning applications to extract money from developers.

“This is the tip of the snake-berg,” one source in the industry told us today, “the Irish construction industry makes the Italian mafia look like a Bugsy Malone nativity play”.