Ireland Can’t Accommodate Asylum Seekers, Its Own People, Anyone Really, Dept Incorrectly Confirms


IN A joint statement today, the Department of Integration & Department of Housing have all confirmed they can’t accommodate asylum seekers, its own citizens or anyone really due to a severe shortage of competence in the Government.

Despite almost 50,000 vacant properties lying idle on the island, 13,000 people are currently homeless and accessing emergency accommodation along with tens of thousands of asylum seekers.

“If only we had the capability to do our jobs properly we could have avoided all of this mess,” a spokesperson for the Department of Integration defended, ignoring important paperwork piled up on his desk containing any number of actual solutions if he bothered to look, “the next government are going to find this very tough indeed, hopefully it will be Sinn Fein so they fall flat on their shinner faces”.

With the housing department undersupplying by as much as 50% per year, local councils continually underspending their budgets and not doing their jobs like collecting vacant property tax and building social housing, the government sees no real solutions to Ireland’s housing crisis that they can make a profit out of.

“The local councils have been working hard in increasing and chasing rates from struggling SMEs,” a government spokesperson defended, “they’re doing their jobs, making the state money while blatantly ignoring the needs of the people – besides, our GDP is fab and that’s all that matters”.

Happy to let far right sentiment fester and play disadvantaged sections of Irish society off of desperate incoming refugees, a spokesperson for the Department pointed out that there are plenty of benches and old cardboard boxes homeless people can use.

“Recycling cardboard boxes is great for the environment too,” the spokesperson concluded, before checking their watch, “right, it’s 4pm, that’s me done for the day!”