Varadkar Converts To Judaism To Show Solidarity With Israel

TAOISEACH Leo Varadkar has converted to Judaism overnight in a bid to show solidarity with Israel following a breakdown in relations between the two nations over the past number of weeks.

Donning a kippah this morning, Mr. Varadkar addressed the world in a televised speech directed at Israel to apologise for not reacting the way Israel wanted to when 9-year-old Irish hostage Emily Hand was released by Hamas over the weekend.

“I’m a big bloody eejit who can’t do or say anything right,” Varadkar read from a specially prepared statement, “how I’m leader of a sovereign nation is no one’s guess and will from now on use only words and phrases that are clear and concise when addressing big important nation matters and will never again use poetic or biblical wording native of the country I lead ever again… mazel tov?”

The Taoiseach’s shift in religion comes after he was criticised for a social media tweet welcoming Emily’s return by Israeli foreign minister Eli Cohen, who specifically didn’t like the wording, insisting Varadkar could do better, asking him to dance a bit harder for the world’s media.

“I’ve converted to Judaism, I’m one of you now, happy?” Varadkar asked, wondering if his words will be enough to appease Israeli officials, before unveiling a new proposed Irish flag with the star of David inset, “See? I think it looks great! We should twin Dundalk with Jerusalem or something”, Varadkar concluded, before being quickly ushered away by minders into an awaiting car for his own safety.