Women Thank Violent Mob For Making Them Feel Safe

THE women of Ireland have spoken out following yesterday’s riot in Dublin city centre thanking the violent mob for making them feel really safe, WWN has learned. 

Thousands of women flocked to the tranquil city centre streets this morning praising last night’s looters for smashing up local businesses and destroying buses, trams and garda vehicles all in their name. 

“It’s like walking around a totally different city,” one woman explained the feeling, “hopefully we can all move on with our lives and live in harmony now that we have all these concerned young men wearing hoodies and balaclavas on e-scooters protecting us – who needs the gardaí any more?”

The riots, which began after three children and a school care assistant were injured in a knife attack in the city centre, were sparked after rumours to the nationality of the attacker spread online via right-wing speculators, spewing hate and violence onto the streets. 

“We’d also like to thank foremost expert in crimes against women Conor McGregor for calling for war on the streets yesterday, without people like him and his anti-immigrant rants online we wouldn’t be here today,” a joint statement from women stated.

Meanwhile, Justice Minister Helen McEntee revealed she wasn’t sure how many glitzy photo ops will be needed to solve this latest spate of violence, but welcomed the vote of confidence in her and Garda Commissioner Drew Harris from last night’s rioters.