“My Dog Ate It”: Excuses For Not Having Your Dog On A Lead After It Mauls Another Dog

WE’VE ALL been there; you’re out walking your pair of unleashed German Shepherds when suddenly some old woman with a little shit of a thing on a lead starts yelping for no reason forcing your boys to defend themselves against its piercing barks. Please find some handy reasons below for not having them on a lead.

“My Dogs Ate It”

Much like they did to your dog, they also ate their own leads, hence why they’re not on a lead. Duh! Like, what’s not to get here? What, am I expected to keep buying them leads just because your dog can’t shut up barking. How about control your own dog?

“It’s Cruel To Have A Lead Around A Dogs Neck”

I like to treat my dogs with respect, unlike you there, tugging on your tiny mutt’s lead almost choking it to death when my two were only running over to tell it to shut up. Once it gets over its PTSD in a couple of years, the dozen or so teeth marks should teach it to stay quiet now when bigger dogs are around. They probably saved its future life. You’re welcome.

“What Are You Doing Walking Your Dog At This Time Of The Night Anyway?”

Seriously, I come out at this time of the night so I can leave my dogs off the lead, yet here you are now giving out. I was actually thinking of people like you, so I could avoid you, but yet here you are.

“This Is Nature, Dogs Need To Roam Free”

I know technically a people’s park in the middle of a busy city is not the Burren, but where else am I supposed to let Tyson and Holyfield run around? Last week some soft prick on the beach was giving out because they cornered him, now here you are wailing at me because your dog started a fight, and mine finished it. I can’t win.