Gardaí Unveil New Mobility Scooters For Older Recruits

RESPONDING to the increase in the age limit to join An Garda Síochána to 50 years of age in an effort to recruit more people to the force, Justice Minister Helen McEntee unveiled a range of new mobility scooters for ageing ‘new’ recruits.

Deployed across the country in a bid to combat escalating crime figures, the new squad of scooters can reach up to an incredible 15kmph, sparking fear among the nation’s most notorious underworld crime syndicates.

“We’re shaking in our boots here,” a member of a rural burglary gang told WWN, who said he was now contemplating changing career, “we had a good run in fairness, but after seeing these bad boys in the news today it’s time to bow out while the going is good”.

Parading one of the brand new mobility garda scooters in Dublin today, 63-year-old garda Paedar Lochlan welcomed the new technology.

“It even beeps when you reverse like this… weeeee… ” he demonstrated, while reversing very slowly in a circle as crowds of pedestrians watched on, “it also has a little side bag for a snack box and bottle of Club Orange and only needs to be charged every two hours – it even has a boo boo light and everything… nee naaw, nee naaw”.

However, as with 60% of gardaí tasked with driving normal patrol cars, the Garda Representative Association (GRA) said most new recruits won’t be trained in using the emergency blue lights, but will act more of a deterrence, stating: “For those not trained, the scooters will be restricted to just 7kmph”.