“We’ll Be In And Out In A Jiffy” Israel Promises Not To Do An Iraq

“YOU won’t even know we were there, promise,” Israel Defense Forces Chief of Staff Lt. Gen. Herzi Halevi told citizens of North Gaza today ahead of a military ground invasion of the sovereign state of Palestine.

“It’s only a small invasion, we wouldn’t even call it an ‘invasion’ invasion, we’ll be in and out in a jiffy, we’ll take good care of the place while you’re gone,” Halevi added, further reassuring fleeing residents this won’t be another Iraq where their US and UK allies oversaw an illegal invasion killing half a million innocent civilians.

Fleeing the bombardment following an Israeli order for everyone to move to the south of Gaza, troops gathered along the border have already began eyeing up the place.

“Bagsies this plot of rubble, it will make a lovely vineyard someday,” one IDF soldier claimed his stake, “sure they won’t know who owns what by the time we’re finished with this dump”.

Meanwhile, US President Joe Biden said that while invading and “taking out the extremists” was needed, any move to occupy the territory would be “an awful shame altogether, but sure look, that’s classic Israel for you”.