Greatest Horseplay Of All Time Downgraded To ‘Quarter Final Defeat’
IT WAS MEANT to lead to the greatest horseplay of all time however, the nation will have to make do with downgraded rugby festivities made up of 100% misery that accompany the usual World Cup quarter final defeat.
“It’s not so bad, we’ve been here before so we’re used to it. Sure Ireland in a semi-final is like my wife being happy, it just wouldn’t feel right,” confirmed one rugby fan, whose plans to stand alongside his school mates, bleeding green and white, and downing Chang beer lie in tatters.
Liver-lacerating sessions have been renamed ‘drowning sorrows’ and every single person involved in an advertising campaign urging people not the ‘jinx it’ have had their passports revoked and will be fired out of a cannon directly into a nearby wall.
“I’m not happy, those lads on the pitch have no idea what I’ve been through, what I’ve sacrificed,” added another fan, applying aloe vera to all the places he waxed so he could look good running around Paris in his lime green mankini.
“Well at least we’ll have a scrappy and embarrassing last minute one-nil victory over Gibraltar in the soccer tonight to help us forget about it all,” chimed another supporter, still in the bargaining stage of rugby world cup grief.
For those groups of friends who had planned to ‘absolutely send it’, they will have to make do with bitterly cursing the fact England, fecking England, are the only northern hemisphere side left in the competition.
Proposals to have a portrait of Bundee Aki replace any and all remaining Sacred Hearts in Irish households will go ahead as planned.